meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
