We're like a lot better than the average bears
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
