I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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