How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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