I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
someone owes me an orgasm
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
