three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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