Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
