this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
