I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
