there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
