I looked at my own cervix.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
