She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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