i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
