i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
