Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
