I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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