Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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