I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just googled if crying burns calories
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
