I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
