I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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