At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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