Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
