Banned from zoo.
Again?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
