Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
