john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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