omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
