I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
