Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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