Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
