I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
