Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
