11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
