My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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