there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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