why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
