uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
