Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
