weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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