I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
