Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
