that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
