After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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