So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
