Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
