Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
