I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My life is pants optional.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
