Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
