the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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