guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
