Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
