Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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