Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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